Uncertainty
by Eirenne
Summary: 2 cycles after the PK Wars. John worries what his son will think of him when he is older and understands what John has done in the past. I do not own Farscape, or its characters.


**Uncertainty**

The dark room was quiet except for the gentle sounds of Moya and the steady breathing coming from the bed. The rush of cool air began making its way over her body giving way the need to nudge closer to the form that would turn the cold she felt to the comforting warmth. But instead of running hands over the strong solid body of her husband's she met the empty space beside which was now chilled to the touch. Again he was gone by her side. It had been this way now for the last several sleep cycles. She knew where she would find him. She knew where he would be. Where he had been each time she had awaken with him gone from her side.

Wiping the sleep from her eyes she quickly grabbed her shirt and hastily put her pants on and padded barefoot across the floor heading out of their quarters.

He was comforted by the sounds of his young son sleeping. The rise and fall of his small chest set time to the beating of his heart. God he loved him so much. This small wonder, this boy he had been blessed with. At times he still was in awe that this had even been possible. He had made a child. Made a child with the woman he loved beyond hope. They had started to build a family. It wasn't that long ago and yet it seemed like a million years ago that the thought of this ever happening had only been a dream. But here he stood. Bearing witness to the dream made a reality. He had been given this gift and with it came great responsibility and high expectations that weighed heavily on him recently.

The first two cycles of their son's life was filled with getting use to parenting, being there for the first steps he took and the first time he heard him say "Daddy.". He chuckled as he thought about the conversation he and Aeryn recently had about D'Argo being potty trained. Aeryn was quick to pass that duty off to John. After all Aeryn thought it would go smoother if he handled it. Didn't they have the same equipment, considering they were both male? John didn't mind, but he made it clear that if they had a daughter he would pay the favor back. The last two cycles were filled with changes. But with the changes came the realization that his son was growing. Growing which meant in the not so far distant future his son would begin to ask questions, be curious about him and about his mother.

He knew she was there. She didn't need to make a sound. That was the way it was between them. He waited and leaned back into her as he felt her body press up against his back, wrapping her arms around his waist. His arms instinctively wrapped around hers. They remain locked together in silence as their son continued sleeping peacefully.

"He will love you no matter what. He already worships the ground you walk on. And that love will only grow stronger and deeper over time."

It never ceased to amaze him how well she knew him. But then the bond between them was strong, made even stronger since the birth of their son, it added a whole new dimension to their relationship.

"How can you be sure?"

He whispered back careful to not wake the sleeping child.

John turned to face Aeryn slipping his arms back around her waist and drawing her closer to him. She looked up at him with a wicked grin.

"I am always right, or have you forgotten that?"

Her smile quickly changed to a more serious look. Her eyes became suspiciously moist as she gazed into his eyes.

"And because I am living proof."

John leaned forward and touched his lips to hers. Her kiss was every bit as sweet now then the first time he had kissed her. How long ago was that? As if he had to ask himself. There wasn't a thing about this woman that was not permanently carved in his memory.

Aeryn was more than aware of what had been troubling John over the past several moens. She understood his feelings, his concerns and his fears. He was a good man. A honorable man. The most honorable man she had ever known. From the first moment they met he had always tried to do the right thing. Although in the beginning she didn't always agree with his methods, in fact there were many times she scoffed at his ideas. The love she had for him still scared her at times. She had never known such a love. It engulfed her, embodied her. But every so often fear would seize her as she thought of the possibility of losing him. She didn't wake from her sleep in a cold sweat as often any longer over dreams of him gone. Having the need to feel the space beside her to assure her he was right where he should be. Those dreams had lingered some after John had come out of the coma. With the passing of time they slowly dissipated. When her mind would wander down that road again and it scared the frell out of her.

"He's growing up so fast. And if he is anything like is old man he's going to start asking questions."

"We'll answer those questions. Together."

She pressed herself more intimately against John's chest. She could feel how tense he was.

"How is he going to feel when he finds out his father has blood on his hands?"

He stepped back away and gazed into those blue gray eyes. Searching her face, knowing she understood.

"John, you can't keep doing this to yourself."

"Keep doing what?"

"Taking the blame for what's happened in the past."

"Then whose fault is it?

Aeryn motioned to John to follow her to the edge of the chamber so as to not wake their son.

"John, when are you going to realize that what has been done was not out of willingness on your part? "

"Aeryn I know that. Deep down inside I know that. But I can't help shake the feeling that one day D'Argo is going to learn the truth about what I've done and see me in a different light."

His head hung low as he mulled over the words he finally spoke out loud.

Aeryn moved towards John and gently lifted his head to meet her gaze head on.

"He will see you for the man you are."

"And who am I?"

Eyes of blue locked steady with hers.

"A human."

She couldn't help but smile. She wanted to ease the conflict within him. He couldn't help but smile back knowing her intent.

Her smile faded, her voice took a more serious tone but her eyes never left his.

"A man filled with love and compassion. Who loved his family so much that he was willing to sacrifice their lives along with his to secure peace for the galaxy. Who nearly died securing that peace. He is the father of my son and my mate."

John framed his hands around her face and fanned his fingers through the raven locks that felt like silk. He moved closer and bent his head towards her catching her lips with his. They separated for a moment only to find their lips again and this time the kiss deepened and tongues dueled and finally broke apart. They remained locked in their embrace, forehead to forehead, nose to nose lips barely touching, breathing each other in.

John was the first to break the silence as he nuzzled her neck.

"Why don't we go back to our quarters and start working on number 2 of 3."

There was the mischievous grin she had grown so accustomed to. She shot one back as she whispered in his ear.

"Too late…"

Before he could say another word she pulled him towards her and kissed him again then took his hand and led him back to their quarters.


End file.
